Indonesian Slinkies

Here’s Jusuf Kalla:


Here’s Agung Laksono:


And here’s Siti Nurbaya Bakar:


They’ve all been making retarded comments about Singapore when we expressed concern about the haze. Yes, the haze – the haze that has plagued Singapore for 43 years; the haze that NASA says will be the worse ever this year.

These Indonesian officials from the highest echelons of government aren’t really good for anything, but I bet they will still bring a big smile to the faces of Singaporeans if we get to push them down a flight of stairs.

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Logic of the Illogicals

Only masochists will eat at this stall operated by a rude sadist.

Only masochists will eat at this stall operated by a rude sadist.

When I wanted to buy four fillets of assam fish home the other day, the stall holder at St Michael Bus Terminal told me he could only sell me two pieces; otherwise, he won’t have enough for his other customers.

It was only 11:30am in the morning and he had a whole tray of assam fish that could feed an army plus full trays of other dishes.

Long story short: I walked away. No time for idiots. Why vomit blood over a trivial matter right?

He not only lost the opportunity to sell me two fillets of assam fish but he has also lost a customer for life.

For the sake of racial harmony and all, I will not comment on the race of the stall holder or the type of “cuisine” he sells.

But stupidity is not confined only to certain races.

When I was young I used to accompany my mother to the market and I recall occasions when she wanted to buy pork liver but could never buy the amount she wanted because inevitably the pork seller would say something like “I can only sell you a little, so that my other customers can buy too.”

To me, that’s mere stupidity.

Food sellers with attitude, those who are stuck up or rude – they don’t get my business.

Stories proliferate of long lines of customers who don’t mind being insulted despite having to deal with bad-mannered and discourteous food sellers such as that pus bag frying noodles at the Heng Huat stall (picture above.) In my opinion, these customers are as retarded as those food sellers.

What in the world would make those food sellers drive away ready customers who would buy up more of their inventory rather than to horde their stock for future customers who may or may not materialize?

I’m sure there is a logic there somewhere. One can never fathom how Neanderthals think.

What in the world would make those cretins behave in a manner that will turn away income?

What in the world would make people continue to stand in line to be insulted?

That I cannot understand.

I insult kings and prime ministers.

No way am I going to allow myself to take shit from food sellers who rely on me to feed their families.

That stupid simian at St Michael Bus Terminal can shaft his whole tray of assam fish fillets up his rotting ass for all I care.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

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43 Years and No End in Sight

IndonCrapHow long do you stay sick before you consult a doctor?

One hour, half a day or one day?

Well, The Straits Times recently showed evidence that Singapore has been grappling with the haze situation for 43 years! The paper also quoted NASA saying this year’s haze will go down in history as the worst ever.

43 long years, but are we close to solving it?


Indonesian president of vices, er, I mean, vice president, Jusuf Kalla (that’s the primate-looking monstrosity in the picture above whose IQ is smaller than his shoe size and whose EQ is less than that of the stray dogs in my estate) and semi-evolved creatures like him still stuck in the trees in the jungle even made sarcastic comments when Singapore expressed our concern.

The first thing I do when I get to heaven is to ask God how do idiotic morons of the highest order such as Kalla get to be vice presidents of countries?

And remember Agung Laksono?

He was an Indonesian minister who once hit out at Singapore on the haze, saying “Singapore shouldn’t be like children, in such a tizzy.”

Bright fellow, even knew how to use the word “tizzy.”

Fucking impressive.

He was another vapid pus bag who remarked that Singapore said nothing when there was fresh air (as if fresh air was Indonesia’s to give) but complained about the occasional haze from his wonderful country.

Yup, very occasional.

I say, get that cretin a dictionary!

If you’re curious how a failed abortion looks like, may I present Indonesia’s second-smartest chimpanzee, after Kalla:

IndonCretinPlease remember how these nincompoops look like, in case they walk into you.

I don’t want you slapping the wrong retards.

These single-cell organisms masquerading as homo sapiens reside in a country that spends over 40 years trying to poison us yet they still have the gall to poke fun at us.

It’s time to let them have a taste of their own medicine.

Yup, slap them right back into their mothers’ wombs!

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Stockholm Syndrome

BedfellowsWatching Defense Minister Ng Eng Hen on TV Tuesday the other night I could see he was struggling hard to find the right words when talking about Indonesia and the haze.

ASEAN is the biggest impediment to the haze problem. When we go to bed with our bullying neighbors and have no guts to confront them (because we are just a little red dot that can be easily snubbed out) we are unlikely to see resolution to the haze problem anytime soon.

Ng’s caution is understandable.

We are dealing with very unscrupulous, barbaric and savage Neanderthals.

50 years ago, when six army generals were killed by a group of disgruntled junior officers, Major General Suharto took the opportunity to seize power in Indonesia.

He blamed the leftists for the murder and launched a genocide. As a result, more than 500,000 fellow Indonesians were killed and at least another 750,000 were tortured and sent to concentration camps.

The victims were labeled “communists” and Indonesia came under a haze of terror to the extent that people there were afraid to eat fish, for fear that fish were eating corpses.

Unlike the Nazis, or the Khmer Rouge, those responsible never had to face any accountability. Killers of yesteryear continue to brag about how they tortured and killed. You can see them merrily boasting about their exploits in an utterly disgusting film produced by Joshua Oppenheimer, entitled The Act of Killing.

Suharto evolved into a good friend of Singapore. We welcomed him – and kleptocrats of his ilk such as Than Shwe and other buffoons from Burma – with open arms. We continue to welcome the descendants of crooks like Marcos, some of whom have made Singapore their domicile and are still living here.

As for Indonesia, over a period of almost 30 years from the 1970s, an excellent relationship existed between Indonesia and Singapore.

As Suharto was dying, Lee Kuan Yew paid him a visit after which Lee said to the press “I feel sad to see a very old friend with whom I had worked closely over the last 30 years not really getting the honors that he deserves. Yes, there was corruption. Yes, he gave favors to his family and his friends. But there was real growth and real progress.”

No Rules of Prudence then huh?

Ok to sleep with the enemies huh?

Fact: If you are held ransom, you cannot confront.

You may even side with the kidnappers.

That’s Stockholm Syndrome in a nutshell.

(Stockholm syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg in Stockholm, Sweden, during which time the hostages expressed empathy and sympathy and harbored positive feelings toward their captors, to the point of defending and identifying with their captors.)

So they got us by the scrotum.

And that’s why dealing with the Indonesians is as delicate as walking on eggshells.

And that explains why an otherwise eloquent Ng struggled to find the right words the other night.

Given our small size and our vulnerability, Singapore government’s stance towards Indonesia is not completely irrational. Then again, a broken clock is right twice a day.

Enough said.

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Pigs Can Fly!

It will be offensive to call Jusuf Kalla a pig, but surely it is acceptable to call a pig Jusuf Kalla?

It will be offensive to call Jusuf Kalla a pig, but surely it is acceptable to call a pig Jusuf Kalla?

The haze is here to stay. Since 1972 it has been an annual affair. And for the first time ever, schools had to be shut down.

Are the Indonesians apologetic?

You kidding me?

Singapore should help solve the haze issue, not just talk about it, said Indonesian vice president Jusuf Kalla when he attended a meeting at the UN recently.

“Singapore, come if you want to help. Don’t just talk,” he said.

Obviously Kalla sees the haze as yet another opportunity to perfect his stand-up comedy act.

He has also said that we should be thankful for the oxygen provided by Indonesian forests for the rest of the year and quit complaining about the one month of haze.

I normally won’t dignify such asinine comments with a response but this boorish retard had made similar remarks between 2005 and 2007 when he was vice president to then President Susilo. His crass, vulgar and moronic statements deserve some reciprocity.

Singapore Foreign and Law Minister K Shanmugam, in a Facebook post last Thursday night, expressed his unhappiness at what he referred to as “shocking statements made, at senior levels, from Indonesia, with a complete disregard for our people, and their own.”

“How is it possible,” asked Shanmugam, “for senior people in government to issue such statements, without any regard for their people, or ours, and without any embarrassment, or sense of responsibility?”

(For the record, Singapore’s offers of help have been rejected repeatedly by Indonesia.)

Dear Mr Naive, er I mean, Mr Shanmugam, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Pigs can fly.

Didn’t you realize that, Mr Shanmugam?

They can even fly high enough to be vice presidents of banana republics.

I bet, when Jusuf Kalla was there, they needed translators at the UN to interpret pig grunts into understandable human language.

Pigs are deuterostomes, which means when they were developed in the womb, the anus forms before any other bodily orifices. Essentially, they started off as assholes. Some pigs like Kalla obviously never progressed beyond that stage. This probably explains why he’s talking through his ass most of the time.

At about the same time when Kalla was spewing unmitigated porcine feces from one of his rotting bodily holes, Indonesian Presidential Chief of Staff Teten Masduki reminded us that Singapore should remember we have enjoyed his country’s forest products and oxygen supply for nine months this year before encountering the haze.

Looks like there is no shortage of brainless pigs and fetid pus bags like Kalla and Masduki in Indonesia. They are nothing but excrement generators of epic proportion. These cretins should just kill themselves (by pumping their very own pure, original, native, patented Indonesian haze directly into their lungs) to make planet earth a better place for the rest of us.

God have mercy on these two if I have my way.

Put it this way: if I host a banquet, these two will not be at the table, because they will be on the menu.

Have they forgotten that when Aceh was wiped out by a killer tsunami on Boxing Day, 2004, 1,500 men and women from Singapore were there almost immediately to help stabilize the mayhem in Aceh? They were accompanied by three supply ships, 12 helicopters and eight transport aircraft from Singapore.

And now when we express concern about the haze, these ingrates blow smoke in our faces.

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Non Sequitur


Me: Chairman, why do people stop helping me when I no longer treat them to 500-dollar meals?

Chairman: Do you prefer red wine or white wine?

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Just Shut the Fuck Up Already

NosyIsn’t it amazing that those who delight in dishing out advice usually can’t deal with any feedback or criticism directed at them?

Isn’t it amazing that those who pretend to know so much don’t realize that they annoy the hell out of the rest of us who really know?

Senseless, stupid and unfeeling retards are everywhere.

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Nature Provides

A bone makes a great cigar:


And an abalone shell makes a great cigar ashtray:


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Go Find a Trashbin


I’m convinced that Harper Lee is full of shit.

She wrote To Kill a Mocking Bird, made millions, and became a recluse.

Then there was this big falling out with Truman Capote.

And all kinds of cranky behavior.

Started suing and threatening people for all sorts of reasons.

Next, she was lovey-dovey with Marja Mills, even encouraging the journalist to move next door to her and to write her biography.

Then, she said nope, she didn’t approve of the biography, in fact, she didn’t even allowed Marja Mills to write one in the first place.

She was like “Huh? Marja who?”

Meanwhile the idiots and suckers of the world waited and prayed and hoped for another Harper Lee book, even when she declared vehemently that she would never ever write another book.

But suddenly, voilà, a “lost” manuscript was found decades later and Go Set a Watchman hit the presses recently.

And the gullible had a massive collective orgasm, lapped the crappy book up, while salivating and drooling like rabid dogs.

And suddenly, double voilà, there’s talk that there may be another manuscript lying around somewhere and a third book may yet emerge. And the world gets another hard on.

Sure, sure, whatever.

I know when I’m being screwed.

And you know what, Atticus Finch, the defender of blacks, and the downtrodden, was actually a member of the Klu Klux Klan.

Well, if you ask me, Harper Lee is jerking with us big time. She’s playing us.


Fuck Harper Lee!

Wait, maybe she herself’s being played?

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Enthronement of the Bratty

The brats are in control.

The brats are in control.

If someone has a sense of entitlement, that means the person believes he deserves certain privileges (such as respect and compliance) – and he’s arrogant about it.

This mindset is often the result of failing to realize that we are not so special, and other people don’t merely exist to serve our needs and wants; that other people are not here to kowtow to us.

These brats are often labeled “bully” or “manipulative” or “ruthless” or “egotistical” or “vain.”

“Manipulative” is what we need to guard against.

Manipulative people do not understand the concept of boundaries. They are relentless in their pursuit of what they want and they have no regard for who gets hurt along the way.

Manipulative people will crush anyone and everyone that gets in their way.

Manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.

There is nothing more dangerous than manipulative people with good interpersonal skills.

They are basically wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Don’t be hoodwinked by appearances of humility; smiles can be deceptive.

Who did you say you voted for?

Good luck to you!

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