A Neerup Churchwarden


This Ida Easy Cut – a Neerup pipe – is exceptionally long, with seven knuckles of bamboo stretching up from the shank.

Neerup pipes are carved by Peder Jeppesen.

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Celebrate with Us!


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Goodbye Thamrong Phongthitithep

ThamrongPhongthitithepWhen I was working in the circus, there were more assholes and morons than good people. In my ten years there, I have encountered only a handful of good people.

Thamrong Phongthitithep was a good man.

I am very saddened by his passing.

Thamrong Phongthitithep from our Thai office left us suddenly last night. He will be sorely missed. Though I am still away, I received the news almost immediately. I am beyond heartbroken.

Dear Khun Thamrong, you showed me kindness amidst an unkind corporate culture full of vultures and hypocrites. In the face of countless superficial others who only focus on how to take care of their own careers and to backstab other colleagues, you taught me how to be helpful. In the presence of loudmouths and bullshitters hiding in every nook and cranny of the company, you demonstrated humility and fearlessness. While others waited to see me trip and stumble, you went the extra mile to be my friend and to ensure that I succeed. While others talk the talk you walked the talk.

This world has lost a good man, a true gentleman.

Rest in peace, my friend.

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Uber to Solve our Uber-shitty Taxi Woes?

Still in deep slumber?

Singapore is not too bad a place, everything seems to work.

Except taxis.

No one seems to be able to fix the taxi problem.

For a country like ours, this is such a bloody disgrace!

What is the taxi problem?

Well, you can’t find one when you need one, that’s the number one complaint.

Second, most taxi drivers are assholes – not everyone is a consummate professional like my buddy Gintai. This is what I’m hearing: Most drive like speed demons. They possess too much personal pride, zero humility. They behave like they don’t need the business, they pick and choose passengers, they only wait for bookings. It costs little to become a taxi driver – just pay rental and fuel only, no need to buy a car. Taxi drivers’ training is not vigorous enough. Compared to taxi drivers in London or Tokyo or even Hong Kong, taxi drivers here do not take pride in their work as service providers. Some only drive part-time and use their taxis mainly for their own business. There is no service mindset, they are grouchy, with shitloads of attitude, they can’t subjugate their egos to focus on the needs of their passengers, they can’t wait to out-talk their passengers, they are argumentative, they never apologize for their mistakes, most don’t even say “thank you” blah blah blah. These are not my words, these are verbatim comments I gathered through a straw poll. Many passengers I spoke to think it is ridiculous that taxi drivers here have to be lured and enticed to the roads to drive by offering them all kinds of incentives like peak hour surcharges, midnight charges, extra fare levies for doing airport pickups, etc, etc. This is the only country in the world where you need to be a rocket scientist to figure out all those extra charges imposed on passengers just so that taxi drivers will be persuaded to do what they are supposed to do – to drive!

Yet, none of these carrots seems to work.

The level of nail-biting and hair-pulling exasperation and frustration faced by commuters was and continues to be at an all-time high.

I remember how I once held in my arms, an injured and profusely-bleeding child of a stranger while trying desperately to hail a taxi on the road only to see those few taxis that eventually passed by speeding away when their drivers saw what they saw – a despairing, frenetic man holding a bleeding child; the child’s distraught, panicky, crying mother on the side. (I was going to the supermarket when I saw the stricken woman screaming for help and ended up with her bleeding child in my arms. The little kid had fallen into a monsoon drain and smashed her head.)

Same thing happened when my wife broke her heel once and was hobbling around with crutches and could not drive her own car – each morning, taxi drivers who drove by, saw her and sped off. Others quickly switched on the “Changing Shift” sign.

A neighbor who drives a taxi even declined to help; he lamented (complete with saliva flying all over the place): “I would be driving somewhere in Singapore and if every morning I have to come all the way from wherever I am to your house to pick you and drive you to your place of work, who is going to pay my fare from wherever I am to your house? Moreover, your place of work is near to your house, how much can I earn? And at the end of the day I have to pick you when you are done for the day and drive you home? For so little money?” What a shitty attitude! I understand perfectly where he’s coming from (no pun intended) but as a neighbor, what a douche bag he has proven to be, right? He doesn’t seem hungry enough, that’s the problem, even when we offered to pay for his trip to our house, he rather not do it. Imagine turning down a guaranteed daily return fare for three months? Taxi drivers in other countries would fight to grab the job!

The fact of the matter is that authorities and the taxi companies have basically been sleeping all these years. The transport ministry has done fuck all to solve the taxi dilemma. Who screens potential taxi drivers and who issues taxi driving permits? Whoever it is, are the criteria stringent enough? Who regulates the regulators? Who checks on the Land Transport Authority, for example? If this was North Korea, past transport ministers and CEOs of LTA and taxi companies would have been lined up before Kim Jong-un and reprimanded until they shit bricks. They would consider themselves lucky if they had not being made to face a firing squad and swiftly and expeditiously liquidated! Kim Jong-un, where were you when we needed you?

Tada! *drum roll* Enters Uber and other car-sharing companies out to fill the gap! Upstarts disrupt!

LTA and taxi companies are beginning to wake up from their long slumber.

Roused from their sleep they started to be defensive by becoming offensive.

Trying to one-up the upstarts, they started with scare tactics.

Oh, do you know that a Uber driver in India raped a passenger?

Oh, do you know that Uber drivers are not screened and trained like taxi drivers?

Oh, do you know that insurance may not cover you when you use one of those services?

Oh, do you know that Uber cars are old and some are driven by young adults with dubious backgrounds?

But to many commuters, such car-sharing services are a godsend.

Suddenly, commuters see the end to their taxi woes. Hallelujah, praise Jesus, Buddha and the Dalai Lama, not to mention the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

Suddenly, taxi drivers, seeing business dropping, now sign on to be part of the Uber network as well as joining other car-sharing schemes.

Suddenly, taxi drivers start leaving taxi companies altogether to drive for Uber and other car-sharing companies full-time!

Suddenly, taxi companies are left with lots of taxis no one wants to drive. So the phrase “level playing field” is thrown about freely, with the accusation that with car-sharing services there aren’t big companies having to purchase and maintain big fleets. (But aren’t profits worth the risk of doing business?)

Suddenly, the authorities and the taxi companies, with their overpaid CEOs, smug and big-headed till now, realize they’ve been caught with their pants down, not that they care. Many are way too thick-skinned not to be concerned that they are making a fool of themselves taking home that kind of obscene salary. They just luxuriate in that fact and thank their lucky stars for their good fortunes. As a matter of record, taxi operator Comfort reportedly once paid its then CEO Goh Chee Wee $1.43 million annually. That’s beaucoup moolah for running a taxi company that barely fulfills the needs of taxi-using commuters.

Yup, there are brain-damaged retards who take home humongous pay packages for doing next to nothing and you tell me there is no evil in the world?! Ha!

Moral of the story: if you don’t value feedback, if you don’t heed the warning signs, if you’re not serious about fixing problems despite no scarcity of “scholars” and strategists and brilliant people such as those who make up our government, a day will come when your rice bowl will be smashed.

Ok maybe not smashed, but chipped, for sure. Cracked even. And we all know all it takes is one tiny hairline crack for things to completely disintegrate eventually. “Smithereens” is the word that comes to mind.

In any case, you will get your comeuppance.

You will reap what you sow.

Your incompetence will catch up with you.

And one day it’s going to cost you dearly.

And it’s nobody’s fault but your own.

Travel agents, real estate agents, hotel booking aggregators, middlemen of all stripes, and those who make money by acting as go-betweens, have all been disintermediated by out-of-the-box thinkers – rendered redundant and useless. Yup, they have outlived their usefulness.

End-users now connect directly with service providers, thanks largely to technology.

That’s a scary lesson that taxi companies are now learning.

A bit too late, ain’t it?

Serves you right, sleepyheads!

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Skin Deep and Deep Shit


An aesthetic clinic has opened up in a neighborhood mall and it’s packed to the gills. In fact, it’s like a fish market.

It’s operated like an assembly line – you go in, get your zap, you go out. Meanwhile there is a long line trying to get in.

No, you don’t call this health care.

And any relationship to medicine is remote at best.

Why not, right?

Housewives spending their husbands’ money want varicose veins removed, old men ask for their liver spots and facial pigmentation to be lasered off, others opt for scar, mole or skin tag removal. Ladies who lunch want their Botox jabs, and reformed young men want their tattoos eliminated and the hirsute want excess bodily hair gone. Oh, I forgot, the karaoke “public relations officers” (translation: hookers) want their vaginas to look as good as new. Not to mention those weirdo neighborhood uncles who want ball bearings embedded in their foreskin.

Beauty salons trying to provide similar services have had a bad reputation so nowadays people flock to qualified doctors to get their “beauty” fix. In any case, beauty salons aren’t allowed to do many of the stuff that only doctors are permitted to do.

Medical doctors lured to fast money – some charge patients for each blast or beam of laser and most sell “packages” involving a series of visits  – are abandoning medicine for which they were trained to focus solely on aesthetics.

As people go past the quest for basic needs, they now want to look good – some are even willing to go under the knife, (and there is a douche bag doctor here who brags about his vagina reconstruction skills) – and are happy to pay for it so these avaricious medical whores fulfill their needs.

Never mind ethics, never mind the prostitution of their skills for quick, easy cash.

Willing buyer, willing seller right?

Same with dentists – what’s there to be proud of if you boast of a network of clinics all over the world whose main aim is to churn money, with your team of money-grabbing dentists recommending costly implants when cheaper forms of treatment are available?

Surely primum non nocere applies to patients’ wallets too?

Medicine – and dentistry – is now a marketplace commodity. To hell with Hippocrates and his archaic oath. Come get a new pussy while you buy fish for the family dinner. Forget dentures, go for implants and contribute heavily to the dentist’s retirement fund.

Also, what’s the point of looking good when one is rotten inside and bacteria is the only culture one has? Ah, that’s another story altogether.

Nothing wrong with making money and contrary to what people believe, money itself is NOT the root of evil – the LOVE of money is, and there is no lack of such idiots around. Doctors and dentists who prescribe unnecessary drugs or procedures, those who send patients to their partners-in-crime for unnecessary tests, those who practice no-value medicine and dentistry; these money-grabbing scumbags are stooping so low to scoop in copious amount of cash into their overflowing wheelbarrows. Just as that old navy joke that says the rear of the rear admiral is the vice of the vice admiral, other people’s hard-earned money becomes these snake oil peddlers’ easy money. They should be driven (the way those merchants were driven out of the temples by Christ) out of the halls of healthcare for turning their profession into an unscrupulous horse trade. Maybe I’m too idealistic but when charlatans disguised as doctors and dentists become businessmen is the tipping point when all hell breaks lose.

Sure there is a veneer of respectability to the “Dr” title, but money from administering laser blasts, money from forcing patients to opt for more expensive treatment, money from Botox jabs and money from crafting new vaginas for hookers?

Oh my!

How could you live with yourself?

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What Did You Say?

WTFUsed to be “gay” meant “happy” and “old” meant old. Now old is “pre-loved” or “new-to-me” and really old is “vintage” or worse, “antique.” And dilapidated, crumbling buildings are sold off as “heritage” treasures.

Used to be “Indonesian” means things pertaining to that neighboring banana republic called Indonesia, but now it just means “retarded.”

Have you heard the latest about the haze? Singapore’s offer in September of only “one aircraft” to Indonesia to help fight forest fires that have caused thick haze to descend around the region was “insulting” said Indonesian Coordinating Minister for Politics, Law and Security Luhut Binsar Pandjaitan.

Well, a retard a day huh? Some nuts just can’t resist turning other people’s misfortunes into a big production.

Looks that they are all coming out of the woodwork now.

Those brainless cretins have conveniently forgotten that when Aceh was wiped out by a killer tsunami on Boxing Day, 2004, 1,500 men and women from Singapore were there almost immediately to help stabilize the mayhem there. They were accompanied by three supply ships, 12 helicopters and eight transport aircraft from Singapore.

The hemorrhoids hospitals in Indonesia must be empty because all the assholes have escaped and are now out there haha.

Now, back to our original train of thought…

Airline stewardess are now “flight attendants” and pilots are no longer in cockpits but work at “flight decks” while not just planes use runways – fashion models sashay down runways instead of catwalks these days.

Undertakers are now “funeral directors” and janitors are now “sanitation engineers” whilst housewives get a boost when they are renamed “domestic scientists.”

People used to die, now they “pass on” those still alive don’t lose their jobs, instead they are “pink-slipped.”

A kiss may be a kiss in Casablanca but some people rather know it as “the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction.”

Sigh, why don’t people call a spade a spade instead of “a horticultural implement for removing unwanted botanical specimens”?

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Will the Ban be Lifted?


Playboy announced last week that it will no longer feature pictures of naked women.

Does this mean it will no longer be banned in Singapore?

I remember those schoolboy days of passing the bloody contraband under the table!

Some people do read Playboy for the articles you know.

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Another Year, Another Fad

Coloring this will give you peace of mind, reduce your anxiety and cure you of depression? Sure, knock yourself out!

Unless you are hiding in the jungles of Indonesia, swinging from tree to tree there with the likes of Jusuf Kalla, chances are that you’ve probably heard 2015 is the year of the adult coloring book. Sellers of these books have touted their books’ ability to help adults “de-stress and self-express.”

Indeed, coloring is said to be able to help you achieve mindfulness, banish anxiety, and even deal with trauma. Some of the books explicitly label themselves as “art therapy.”

What a crock of crap!

Yup some idiots insist that coloring books are a path to mindfulness, meditation and psychological peace of mind. Guess what? Many of the loudest proponents are actually those very retards who create the coloring books!

Donna Betts, president of the board of the American Art Therapy Association and an assistant professor at George Washington University said she has never used coloring books in a therapy session, and would never consider it.

Still coloring away?

Oh you pathetic suckers!

Any activity or hobby that you are passionate with will help take your mind off your troubles.

Don’t be a victim of coloring book sellers who now tell you that coloring is your path to nirvana.

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Daniel Asshole Craig

SpectreBritish actor Daniel Craig was paid US$10.7 million for Skyfall, making him the highest-paid James Bond actor ever, and the film was the first Bond movie to break the one billion dollar mark.

After the success of Skyfall it was reported he brokered a deal to be paid £31/- million for his next two 007 films, including the soon-to-be-released Spectre, the 24th film in the franchise.

But Craig recently surprised fans when he claimed he’d rather “slash his wrists” than play James Bond again.

Has he made a Spectre-cle of himself? Well, he was told to shut up by movie bosses after that comment.

He’s not Indonesian is he?

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Beware of Bee Wah

Doctoral degree by correspondence course?

Doctoral degree by correspondence course?

Google Lee Bee Wah and you will walk away with the idea that she probably had had a bad childhood during which she was neglected or perhaps even abused, with the result that she now craves attention by attracting controversy after controversy.

Remember the table tennis shitstorm she caused in 2008?

Then there were allegations that a company she had connection with was awarded a contract in an area where she was in charge of.

And what about her lewd comment in parliament about how people rush for toilets only when they are about to defecate? That remark marks her down as the most ill-mannered, most uncouth, most unrefined and most vulgar member of parliament ever, when she used a very rude Hokkien expression “ai pang sai ka che jamban.” That statement remains today, in Singapore parliament, the crudest line ever uttered, by any member of parliament, living or dead. If you don’t believe me, go pour over Hansard. Seriously, I wonder where this auntie got her doctoral degree from.

And now Lee wants all of us to be spies and to spot litterbugs and to reward us for snitching on our fellow men and women by giving us a portion of the summons payment or fine imposed on the litterbugs after we have submitted evidence of these litterbugs caught in the act.

This multi-racial, multi-religious society is already so fragile and Lee wants to do this, nevermind the fact that this stupid suggestion smacks of such bad taste to begin with. As a matter of fact, she has suggested this to the National Environment Agency a few months ago and hoped to roll out a pilot in Nee Soon South. Whoever agrees with her must be a world-class moron. And whoever thinks he can turn this into a full-time job spying on people who litter ought to be lynched in the public square by vigilantes wearing pointed white hoods over their heads.

Like the lèse majesté law in Thailand it will be misused, I guarantee you. All kinds of retards will start setting up video camera in front of their enemies’ homes. For some pocket money, some scumbags won’t even hesitate to turn their own mothers in. Soon planeloads of mercenaries under the control of criminal syndicates will fly in from China, Vietnam or Thailand to bounty-hunt for litterbugs. There are already fake monks and tissue sellers proliferating here.

Civic consciousness should not have a price tag to it. Education is the key. Social engineering and brainwashing for which our most enlightened government is master of is still the preferred way to go. Do we want to see a day when witnesses to a murder must be incentivized to come forward to furnish evidence? Do our cops need extra monetary rewards to do their work such as those comedians in Thailand? Or have all the years of government campaigns failed? Are people numb to constant brainwashing? What else would work? Surely not spying on each other? What kind of a society are we trying to build if we have to constantly look over our shoulder? It will be a society torn asunder. Lee Bee Wah’s idea is a frigging dangerous one!

I suspect the auntie must have some Indonesian blood. She seems to be trying so hard to outdo the likes of Jusfu Kalla and his bunch of Neanderthals.

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