I don’t know what those idiots at the Valiram Group are trying to do.
Their A5 size postcard says:
TUMI LEGACY CELEBRATION
TUMI celebrates 30 years of innovative design, superior craftsmanship and world-class service.
Present mailer to enjoy 20% off your second purchase.
I am probably TUMI’s biggest customer in all of Asia but why send me 17 of those glossy, expensive-to-produce A5 postcards at one go?
I suspect it’s an administrative glitch rather than anything else.
But when a buddy of mine – I shall call him Chao – makes himself a cup of tea, it has nothing to do with administrative glitches.
You see, Chao uses 5 teabags at one go – for a cup of tea.
Every time Chao does that it irritates the hell out of me.
No he wasn’t using my teabags but that’s not the point.
The point is why can’t Chao be like any other person?
One teabag for a cup of tea.
One shot of espresso for a latte.
One retard told me that I’m rather intolerant of people who are different from me.
But isn’t five teabags one too many?
Isn’t that abnormal?
Isn’t that why we frown on bestiality?
My mum would react if I use five teabags for a cup of tea.
“How do you drink this concoction?” she’d say.
Chao reminds me of someone who would send the same SMS to me twice in a row to make sure I really get it.
What the heck?
The same person would stir three packs of sugar into her tea.
The same person would slather enough honey on her crêpes to clog up all her arteries.
The same person would dump enough chilli into her laksa to render it inedible, as far as other people are concerned, that is.
Then she drinks the gravy.
The same person would add at least one sauce-dish worth of extra chilli into her bak chor mee.
The same person would ask for extra helpings of fried pork lard for her mee pok.
The same person would boasts that when she and her colleagues or family members go for buffets they would pile their plates sky high with food.
This person would be vindicated if she is slim and lithe despite her excesses; but dear reader, I regret to inform you that she is not slim and lithe.
She’s only 30 but she looks like Susan Boyle.
There’s a difference between living life to the fullest and living life in excess.
And if one wishes to live life in excess, then go for champagne, caviar and foie gras.
But butter and chilli?
Such behavior irks me to no end.
There’s the other extreme.
I know another person who boasts about how little she eats.
Breakfast is a cup of mint tea.
Sometimes lunch is some strawberries and a cup of yoghurt.
Dinner if at all would be a small salad with vinaigrette dressing.
Oh no, no calorie-laden Thousand Island for this sweetheart.
And she is pencil thin, she doesn’t need such a diet.
Yes, as I grow older, I’m more intolerant.
I’ve become a bitter, unforgiving old man.
One thing I do in excess is to complain.
About others of course.
I myself am never the problem.