To the Pointless Babblers Out There

No, I do not twitter, but I shudder at the thought of countless idiots like you doing it.

When I am with you, pay me undivided attention – it is frigging rude to keep playing with your smartphone.

Or your iPad, or your Galaxy tab or your BlackBerry or your iPhone.

Stop doing your emails, stop sending text messages, stop tweeting and retweeting via Osfoora for iPhone, via the Web, via UberSocial, via kerosene, via whatever, stop emailing your pics to your Flickr or your yfrog or your Lockerz or your Instagram, stop playing with that Foursquare or Tumblr crap, stop accessing your Facebook, stop updating your LiveJournal or your Blogger or your WordPress or your Myspace and stop chatting on MSN, Yahoo!Messenger, ICQ, Googletalk , Sametime or BlackBerry Messenger.

What the fuck is so wrong with you that you think the rest of the world cares about your shit?

Oh my, you must really suffer from extremely low self-esteem.

Why the opprobrium on retards like you?

Listen, when I give you time, correction: when I MAKE time for you out of my busy schedule, consider it a privilege and an honor.

Deal with the fact that time spent with me is sacred – don’t you ever screw it up.

Besides, unless you have been tweeting since 2006 or 2007, you are just another very un-original – and late – follower of the latest trends. Sorry, you’re just another sucker caught up in this whole social media trap that is such a shallow, mindless, flippant, frivolous, facetious and absolutely wuliao joke.

Shame on you.

That smartphone of yours has made you rather stupid hasn’t it?

You’re just relying on crutches to make your sorry self feel important.

Someone once showed me a video of a young woman twitting away on her smartphone while her lover was copulating with her.

My, my.

Do you mind me tweeting while you blow me?

In any case, take a step back and look at yourself and you’ll realize how silly you look playing with some electronic gizmo all the time.

By the way, you may like to know that in meetings I conduct, all my superiors, peers and subordinates – even my clients – are told to switch off all electronic devices.

No exception, sorry.

I don’t care if you are fucking SR Nathan. As long as you are in MY meetings, you abide by MY rules.

Don’t like it? Get lost then.

May I remind you that I have actually thrown a colleague’s laptop out of the window once. (That sound of it crashing ten floors down below is one of the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard in my life.)

Don’t make me do it to one of your toys k?

Honestly I have enough of cretins like you.

The last thing he did when he was alive.

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