Happy New Me!

New Year Resolutions for 2012:.

I do not suffer fools gladly and will minimize contact with anyone I consider a fool.

I will stop replying to emails and text messages sent by people who don’t reply to my emails and text messages. Yup, give them a bit of their own medicine.

I will stop looking into some people’s rooms to see how much of a pig sty their rooms have become. (Puking is not something I enjoy.)

I will consume less alcohol, less coffee and tea and reduce my sugar intake.

I will drink more healthy drinks.

I resolve to be happy.

I will not be bullied.

If I am standing in line somewhere (supermart, etc) and you cut in front of me, not only will I tell you off, I will rip into you using the most colorful language I can muster in a voice so loud the whole world will know you are a douche bag and that you are being chastised for behaving like someone born out of wedlock, someone whose parents have never gotten married.

I will not let others take my kindness for weakness.

I will not let others have the satisfaction of irritating me.

I will go on more vacations alone because traveling companions can be a real pain in the ass.

I will prune my Friends list and delete as many people from my address book as possible – especially people who are assholes, ingrates, idiots and retards.

If I give someone a gift, I will continue NOT to expect a word of thanks.

If I am not well, I will NOT expect others to ask after me.

I will expect very little of everyone to minimize being disappointed time and again.

I will not respond to people who initiate online chats with me while their status says “Busy” or while they stay in invisible mode. I hate sneaky people.

I detest people who, after I’ve said something, say “I was just thinking of saying that myself” or “You said it, not me” or “I was wondering when you would say that.” That’s sneaky and very unoriginal.

I will re-activate my Twitter and may start tweeting again – sparingly though.

I will also be blogging less – lots of other stuff to complete.

I will stop irritating people – the Scrooges, the know-it-alls, the confused, the hypocrites, etc.

I will avoid those petty, calculative Scrooges who forget how generous I’ve been with them but remember for the rest of their miserable lives when I owe them ten cents.

I will avoid the know-it-alls, those who have an answer for everything, who think they’re smarter than others, who can do no wrong. Hey asshole, if you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich? Where is your private jet?

I will attempt to read a Chinese book this year. Shouldn’t be too difficult as I’m already reading Chinese newspapers and magazines.

I will smoke my pipe and cigars indoors and if you don’t like it, you can buzz off.

I will not be hoodwinked into flying economy class again. For the first time in 30 years I was persuaded to fly monkey class last year (to and from Israel) and I nearly asphyxiated and almost died.

I will not be suckered into spending even one cent at another so-called award-winning celebrity chef’s restaurant unless that restaurant is still standing a year after it’s opening.

I will also not stand in line for food.

And I will not hesitate to walk out when I get shitty service.

I will not conform to clients’ corporate dress codes if it doesn’t make sense – I am not your employee. If I decide to show up wearing polos and khakis, it’s my prerogative.

I will not allow clients to bargain with me over my fees – if you think I’m expensive, try SIM, PSB or any one of those many cowboys and charlatans out there and let me know if you can find someone with my qualifications and credentials at the price I quote you. I would like to meet this person. Plus, there’s always Edward de Bono.

If you have to bargain, you can’t afford me so please don’t waste my time and please don’t waste your own time.

I will choose my clients wisely. Those who are not willing to pay or those who are a pain will be dropped like hot potatoes.

In fact, this year I will avoid idiots who know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

I will stop dispensing unsolicited advice to people I care for – if they cannot handle constructive feedback from a loved one, let the harsh world out there be their teacher instead.

I will keep my mouth shut if others wish to self-destruct. It’s their funeral, not mine.

I will minimize getting into a car of any driver who cannot drive without cursing other drivers. I have enough of absorbing others’ toxic vibes.

I am going to stop criticizing people who put up Christmas trees at Christmas but during the Chinese New Year period deck their homes out like Chinese temples; those who select all the fun part from every religion and culture but have no firm stand on what their own relationship with God is. Of course some may disagree that such people are rather wishy-washy, but be that as it may, I will endeavor to keep my big mouth shut when I come across such people.

I’m going to try to care less – let others go to hell if that’s what they want.

Beginning this year, I will also start the process to disengage from long-term relationships that have become boring, toxic, tiresome, non-edifying, burdensome or just plain irritating to me.

And I will stay far far away from hypocrites – especially those who play “church” with noses in the air, treating it like a social club, with inward-looking, self-serving cliques and shitty attitudes, dividing the world into spiritual haves and have-nots.

Yes, I will be a very bo chap me in 2012.

And may God strike me blind if I watch or read anything with Beatrice Chia, Wong Li Lin, Woffles Wu, Dennis Chew or Kumar in it.

Happy new me!

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