Author Archives: Lohcifer

100% Organic and Vegetarian

So lucky to be able to lunch at home for three days this week. So nice to be away from all that noise generated by posers who are full of shit! Thank God they didn’t cross my path! Lunching at … Continue reading

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Bound to Happen

I was in the bookstore the other day when I overheard a young lady saying to her boyfriend “I am going to read a book this year.” Am. Going. To. Read. A. Book. This. Year. A book. One book. This … Continue reading

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A Salute to House of Anansi

Taiwanese writer Li Ao once said “Taiwanese are scoundrels but they are lovable. Hong Kongers are craftier, Singaporeans are stupider and the mainland Chinese are more unfathomable.” There are probably still many who believe that Singaporeans are stupider than the … Continue reading

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Getting Chlorophyll Enjoyably

Most of us go through life revising our opinions. At 25 I thought I would die happy if I could have sex with Gigi Wong just once. At 60 I’m glad I didn’t. At 53 I thought Obama must be … Continue reading

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Smooth like a Ballad

I was told that my ideal weight should be 102.4 to 108.1 kilograms (about 225 t0 238 pounds). These numbers are a result of rectal extraction, meaning some retard in the hospital pulled it out of his ass. Reducing to … Continue reading

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Stupid is As Stupid Does

An acquaintance likes to brag that he has high IQ and qualifies for MENSA but unless I see proof, to me, that’s just braggadocio. (Actually, it’s kinda embarrassing considering he’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, though you … Continue reading

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Memento Mori

Singapore was booted out of Malaysia on August 9th 1965. On that day, towards the end of a press conference after Singapore became independent, Lee Kuan Yew said: “There is nothing to be worried about. Many things will go on … Continue reading

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Okay, Boomer!

I won’t call it ageist discrimination but if my children say “okay, boomer” to me, I’ll slap them. A friend of mine, who is almost 70, just went out and bought a Ferrari, the latest model. He said he has … Continue reading

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Eye Roll

Japan has chained its toilet rolls in some of its public toilets. In Hong Kong, armed robbers got away with 600 toilet rolls. In Australia, a woman mistakenly ordered 2,300 toilet rolls. Also in Australia, two women fought in a … Continue reading

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Scared Shitless Again

Fear has gripped the world. Italy first quarantined 16 million people, then decided to lockdown the entire country. Countries are not allowing cruise ships to dock. Israel quarantines everyone entering its borders. Schools have closed. I have to cancel a … Continue reading

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