Oh, so it’s Wrong to be Offended?

NicholsonSome retard wrote to The Straits Times Forum on December 18th asking “isn’t taking offence in itself a manifestation of an intolerant streak?”

Oh, so we have to condition ourselves to accept anything and everything and not be offended?

Sure, shithead, how about I spit on your face?

Maybe you’ll will kiss my ass in return?

I am offended by such stupidity.

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Yellow Dragon Fruit

The pitaya, known here as the dragon fruit, is actually the fruit of cacti native to Mexico. If you haven’t eaten the yellow version,  then you haven’t eat dragon fruits. The red ones commonly available in Asia are the least sweet ones, meaning the yellow ones are the sweetest dragon fruits of all:

Pitaya

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How Lame is This? Accidental Penetration, not Rape

Ah, Ehsan's mother was good!

Ah, Ehsan’s mother was good!

Some Saudi douche bag said he fell on top of some teenage slut and penetrated her. It wasn’t an intentional rape, he claimed.

He was acquitted.

Not sure if a camel fell on his mum.

Anyway the acquittal happened in the UK.

Wow finally able to learn something from a smelly towelhead and the cock-sucking Brits.

So glad they left years ago.

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Just Desserts

ParasiticDon’t people give thanks for their food nowadays?

Nope – they take pictures of their food.

Some blog. Some declare themselves to be food or lifestyle bloggers.

I know a few will actually asked for money before they blog about an eatery.

Then they are some who bully restaurants into giving me free meals so they can blog about them. Some of these morons can’t even write well to save their lives.

A shameful lot of parasitic vermins, that’s what they are.

Ordinary folks have caught the disease too.

Sharing on social media about living the high life seems to be the norm.

Most shares are really boasts.

These pathetic souls hope their thousands of “friends” will “like” their posts. They live with the hope that their posts will be favorited, retweeted and what have you.

As for those “professional” bloggers their days may be numbered.

And about time!

Consumers are often tempted to try out new products or services because of glowing testimonies by users of social media.

The Advertising Standards Authority of Singapore wants individuals who are hired to tout products and services to make it clear when they are publishing sponsored messages, under proposed new guidelines for digital and social media advertising.

Earlier this year, Singtel was rapped for a smear campaign against its competitors run by Gushcloud, a social media agency it had engaged. The campaign involved social-media influencers making fake complaints about M1’s and StarHub’s services on social media, in return for incentives such as cash and discounts on mobile phones.

Even if a blogger is writing his genuine thoughts about a product or service provided by a company he has a commercial relationship with, he should declare the relationship in the post, ASAS proposes. Also, firms should not mask advertisements by publishing them in a blog format that makes content seem like they come from an impartial and credible source, the authority added.

About time!

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Ban Display of Tobacco Products!

He saw what he shouldn't.

He saw what he shouldn’t.

Letter to The Straitjacket Times:

Tobacco products can no longer be displayed beginning from 2017. I applaud this move, considering how devastatingly destructive it can be for people to make eye contact with tobacco products:

(1) Upon visual contact with tobacco products it has been observed that otherwise sane and sensible men and women would suddenly start to drool, indeed salivating profusely, with increased heart palpitation accompanied by trembling and heightened bodily shivering. This leads to eyeballs rolling backwards into the eye sockets and tongues stuck out while panting like rabid dogs. Said victim then hightails to tobacco merchants, slobbering and whimpering and begging (sometimes on their knees) to purchase tobacco products – the look is not dissimilar to how zombies behave and can cause traumatic fear and fright in young children.

(2) It has also been observed, and subsequently verified by global empirical research, that when infants in arms and babies in prams make visual connection with tobacco products, they would suddenly be empowered with superhuman strengths well beyond their years as they literally fly out of their parents’ arms and prams and aim straight for the tobacco products on display. This unexplained crave has led to glass breakages and resulting injuries, some fatal. Those who survive need continuous consumption of tobacco for the rest of their lives. They are reduced to pathetic, almost vegetative states as they continuously and constantly imbibe in Nicotiana Tabacum with a dazed look on their faces.

(3) Research has also demonstrated that when consumers espy tobacco products, all manners of inhibition disappear and quickly vanish and individuals who are otherwise circumspect and respectable would suddenly become either extremely promiscuous or in some cases, murderous even. Enough studies point to the number of illegitimate children being born and mothers-in-laws being savagely killed simply because innocent people have made inadvertent visual contact with tobacco products, rendering such products to be classified by WHO (World’s Hell Organization) in a category similar to that of weapons of mass destruction – the type that weakens the human spirit and consititution.

(4) Teenagers the world over, when getting even the slightest glimpse of tobacco products are known to almost instantaneously develop a self-destructive gene within their DNAs, a causation factor resulting in these same teenagers turning into utter and absolute losers for the rest of their lives. They are almost certainly going to fail their “O” and “A” level examinations and are unlikely to be admitted to polytechnics or tertiary institutions or other institutions of higher learning. These said individuals will beg, borrow or steal and even kill just to get hold of tobacco products, and anything else they desire, for that matter, even if they have not chosen politics as a career. Most, if not all, also become drug addicts, drug peddlers, substance abusers, sex addicts as well as deranged, irrational individuals with severe facial tics. One can thus imagine the potential mayhem this will cause globally.

(5) Pregnant women, it has been documented, when seeing tobacco products or allowing tobacco products to come in line with their vision, go immediately into violent convulsions resulting in instantaneous and spontaneous abortions of their fetuses. In fact MIT (Mofo Institute of Technology) has commenced R & D to create a tobacco-induced extrasensory perception self-activated mental mechanism for eventual deployment in countries where population explosion is a blight.

Tobacco products contribute to billions in taxes yearly, resulting in our ministers and parasitic bureaucrats enjoying fat, obscene salaries while doing fuck all. It is estimated that if not for tobacco taxes, each taxpayer could easily end up paying at least a thousand bucks more per person per year, so it is tempting to see the “merits” of tobacco products, but I urge taxpapers to avoid thinking of such products in positive terms. These devilish elements must now and forever more, forcefully be regarded as extremely dangerous and insidious evils. I strongly support and wholeheartedly applaud the authorities’ move to ban the public display of such perilous and deadly weapons that could ultimately weaken, if not out wipe out, the human race, entirely from the surface of the earth.

(Letter of Endorsement submitted by Dey Flung Dung Professor of Bovine Excrement, Dr I P Squatting, National University of Scatology, Repubic of Sinkapore.)

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Smart Phones and Stupid People

StupidityThe smart phone has made many people stupid.

Those days if you made an appointment with someone, say for 7pm, you would be there at 6.45 and your guest will likely show up before 7 or just on time and he would say “Sorry to keep you waiting” and the correct response from you would be to say “Oh don’t mention it, I was early.”

So civil, no need to study in the UK to know such “protocol.” It’s upbringing and it’s common sense. Nothing to do with Downton Abbey manners. Nothing to do with PG Wodehouse’s Right Oh, Jeeves!

Nowadays you’ll be waiting even at 7.15 and you’ll get a text saying “OTW” (On The Way) so out of graciousness, you would reply “NP” (No Problem) and the meeting won’t take place till 7.30 or later.

It’ll get worse because now your guest knows you’re ok with him being late, after all you did say “NP” and so the next time you meet, he’ll be later still and since you know he’s always late you will also not take your time to be early.

This is so unfortunate, but what’s there to lament about when people nowadays don’t even know how to politely or appropriately acknowledge, accept or decline an invitation anyway?

Has etiquette gone to the dogs?

There have been times when I was tempted to instruct supposedly educated idiots who brag about having had international living and working experience that “the right protocol is to say ‘thanks for the kind invitation, we’ll try our best to make it'” but why bother?

Etiquette has gone to the dogs!

Also, have you been rebuffed by someone who tells you that he or she is too busy to see you?

Telling me you are busy is the ultimate betrayal and insult, as far as I am concerned.

Well, no one is always busy. It just depends on what number you are on their priority list.

But that’s another blog post for another day.

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Preachers who Plagiarize

FraudsterIt’s so easy to watch a video online of an eloquent preacher and just mimic him when you preach.

That must have been the attitude and practice of many pastors.

I wonder how many sermons preached on Sundays by pastors are just lazy ass pastors mirroring some well-known preachers they see online.

Not only is it a stupid thing to do (members of the congregation too can access those same videos online) it says everything else about the douche bags who do such things.

Pastors are supposed to be anointed – they are supposed to bring the Word to their flock as the Holy Spirit touches them. Of course nobody expects a pastor to go up to the pulpit completely unprepared and waiting for the God’s words to flow through him.

But surely being prepared doesn’t mean watching videos of Rick Warren or Billy Graham on YouTube and then impersonating them?

So the stories told by Rick Warren and the anecdotes shared by Billy Graham are hijacked to become their own?

Pastors who do that should be defrocked – they are basically liars and lack integrity.

It’s time to turn these parasites onto the streets so they can earn an honest living for a change.

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Sayonara

UncoupledWhen do you end a friendship?

  1. When you find yourself disagreeing with almost everything the other person is saying or doing.
  2. When you are being taken advantage of.
  3. When there seems to be nothing in common anymore.
  4. When you feel obligated to just carry on for the sake of carrying on,
  5. When your friend betrays you.

There will always be “over” in “lover” and “end” in “friends” whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.

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The Last of the Hairy Ones

Managed to savor at least one last one before this year’s season is over; the roe of the hairy crab is second to no other taste and mouthfeel on earth:

SteamedHairyCrab

HairyCrabRoe

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Beating the Crap out of an Uber Driver

PunchUber driver got whacked by Land Transport Authority officer?

Yup, a video that has since gone viral shows an Uber driver having his shit beaten out of by a LTA officer.

My two cents’ worth: (1) Passenger is a moron for asking the Uber driver to pick her from taxi stand. She’s the same idiot who posted a video of the altercation online. Sigh, too many stupid people walking around with smart phones posting videos of perceived wrongs. If you have the balls, stop the fight or right the wrongs, instead of posting videos to social media and hoping wrongdoers will be shamed. What a cop-out mentality!

(2) The Uber driver should have known better – he rents a regular car each day to be an Uber driver, so he jolly well knows he’s not a taxi driver, and he’s not supposed to pick up anyone at taxi stands.

(3) According to Sunday Times report, the driver actually provoked LTA officer to book him.

(4) The LTA officer who struck the first blow was provided by a cleaning service. Ramky Cleantech Services supply their cleaners to LTA to become enforcement officers? What the fuck?! Not even rent-a-cop, more like rent-a-cowboy-wannabe. How was this allowed to happen? Bastard needs anger management training, among other shit. And the head of whoever agreed to such an outsourcing arrangement ought to roll.

Conclusion: all involved are fucking retarded and severely brain-damaged.

End of story.

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