Donald Trumpet is Who We Need to Fight the Haze

Donald Trump

We assume that Donald Trump won’t go far in his campaign for US presidency – well, Trump, the boorish demagogue, surprised everyone by being the leading candidate among the Republicans.


Because he has titanium balls, that’s why.

He is one son of a bitch who doesn’t hold back, he says what’s on his mind, straight from the shoulder.

To hell with political correctness.

He calls Mexicans rapists and Carly Fiorina ugly. He claims that Megyn Kelly “had blood coming out of her wherever.”

And he thinks McCain is no hero because he got captured by the Vietcongs.

He also said if Hillary Clinton couldn’t satisfy her husband, how could she satisfy Americans.

Donald Trump verbalizes and vocalizes what many have no guts to say.

And nobody can hold him ransom. He is his own man. He owes you nothing. He doesn’t need your money. He can never get fired because he has no boss. He is his own boss. He’s not obligated to lick your balls.

He’ll make a good haze fighter.

Ever since I had hair, we have been plagued with haze from our friendly neighbor, Indonesia.

Has anything changed?

The three-hour PSI reached 249 at 9pm on Monday. (It surpassed 400 in 2013.)

Despite all the brains and loudmouths in our government expressing concern (yeah, any retard can express concern) and offering help – yup, offering help, what a joke! – have we been able to get the Indonesians to manage the haze problem?

Has it ever occurred to you that the haze problem is one foisted on us by the jokers we elected to government?

The very same jokers who advised us to be “psychologically prepared” for the haze?

Yes, we have been psychologically prepared for years now – since 1972 to be exact – but what have you done to stop the haze?

Let’s face the truth, and the truth is that we don’t have the testicles to tell the Indonesians to eliminate the haze problem.

In other words, we are screwed.

So better suck it up.

Get used to it.

We are after all, according to a hermaphrodite cock-sucking bastard chimpanzee named BJ Habibie, only a tiny red dot. (Yeah, guess who’ll name their kid “BJ” huh? His unmarried parents must either be gifted with the ability to prophesize or were prescient.)

Who in the world are we, right?

Remember that two-bit dictator Idi Amin?

In 1972, he expelled all Asians from Uganda.

In fact, he gave them 90 days to fuck off.

Can we ask Indonesians or anyone of Indonesian descent to leave Singapore?

Do that, and I guarantee you, the haze will stop immediately.

But can we do that?

Of course not.

We daren’t.

We don’t even have the scrotum to summon the Indonesian ambassador for an official reprimand.

Can we sit down with them and talk sense?

Of course not.

It’s extremely difficult reasoning with buffoons and donkeys; difficult to go to battle with un-armed morons. They won’t understand.

I’m not saying we are, but if we are a hub for dictators to park their money and for neighboring crooks to launder their stolen cash here, then we have lost the moral authority to confront them. If we make Singapore a safe haven for kleptocrats and criminals we essentially put the kibosh on any real solution to the haze problem. By the same token, if ASEAN member countries would rather go to bed with each other than sit down and deal with the real issues, then the haze problem is not ever going to blow over.

Ok, so I exaggerate. Or rather, under-exaggerate.

But anyway, stock up on those masks, and shut the hell up.

And consider thanking our friendly Indonesian neighbors for the eleven months of oxygen they supply annually free of charge to us losers. (That’s what their vice president Jusuf Kalla, another Neanderthal stills stuck in the trees, told us to do.)

Donald Trump would carpet bomb that pigsty called Indonesia off the surface of the earth.

But we Singaporeans are a civil lot.

Oh, we wouldn’t dream of doing that would we?

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Pig Stomach Soup

Scooping some crushed black Kampot peppercorns into a pig stomach.

Pork-tripe or pig maw cut into strips and cooked in a peppered soup is a common local dish that is often referred to as “pig stomach soup.” The Princess Terrace Café at Copthorne King’s Hotel at Havelock Road serves a very tasty version of the soup, but I suspect it is loaded with generous dollops of hair removers, er, I mean, monosodium glutamate.

But if you really want to pig out, (pardon the pun), it’s best to prepare your own at very minimal cost. We just cooked two yesterday for dinner.

The challenge is preparing the organ, which takes time and can be a rather smelly and messy affair.

First, turn the stomach inside out and scrub, scrub and scrub very hard using a combination of coarse salt, lime juice and tapioca powder – all are ingredients known for being able to combat the smell, absorb the slime and whatever gooey stuff that is attached to the stomach wall. You may even need a small knife to scrap off whatever’s stuck there. Scrub inside out (that is both sides) over and over again until there is absolutely no “pigsty” odor. Then oil it a little and sear it or quickly pan fry the organ before boiling it for five minutes.

Next crush a few tablespoons of  black Cambodian Kampot peppercorns – often rated the best pepper in the world – and insert into the stomach. If Kampot peppers are not easily available, those from Sarawak will do. (Note: If you prefer whitish, milk-like soup, then use white peppers.)

In a stock pot, combine 4 liters or 4.25 quarts of water, the pepper-stuffed pig stomach, and some crushed white peppercorns. Bring the soup to boil. Remove any “impurities” that float up.

Decrease the heat and let the soup simmer with a lid on for at least an hour and a half. To test if the pig stomach is ready, use a fork to poke it in the center; if the fork goes in easily, then it is ready to be eaten. Remember, you don’t want it too soft – a chewy texture gives a nice mouthfeel.

Remove the pig stomach and let it cool. Remove and discard the Kampot pepper corns inside and slice the stomach into half-inch wide stripes. Flavor with salt – no monosodium glutamate please – and serve hot; garnish with coriander or chopped scallions. Add some boiled ginko nuts (the canned ones will do just fine) or even button mushrooms to the soup. Dip with sliced red chilli in black soy sauce.

Cheap and good, and because it’s so satisfying – it’s a happy meal! Nothing sucks more than feeling lousy after a meal.

The finished product!

The finished product!

By the way, the Chinese are not the only ones who eat offals – the Scots, the French are all into offals too.

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A Tragedy

Three-year-old Aylan Kurdi, from Syria, drowned with his five-year-old brother and their mother in Turkey as they tried to flee to Europe.

Three-year-old Aylan Kurdi, from Syria, drowned with his five-year-old brother and their mother in Turkey as they tried to flee to Europe.

On September 4th, someone placed an obituary for the little Kurdish boy Aylan Kurdi in The Sydney Morning Herald:


You did not deserve to drown in the coldness of water and in the coldness of human indifference.

You were not a Migrant. You were not a Refugee. You were a three-year-old little boy wanting to play safely, away from the threats of violence and war.

In Heaven, you will be nursed by those who held you, by those who kissed you and by those who risked everything in the hope of you reaching the shores of safety.

Rest In Peace Aylan Kurdi. May God forgive us for failing you.

Posted in The Departed | Comments Off on A Tragedy

Vote with Your Brains This Friday

BearCan’t bear it anymore?

If you can’t stand having your face rubbed in shit over and over again, I hope you know what to do.

Vote the bullies and the loudmouths out!

Vote the right people in!

Do the right thing!

I am Lohcifer and I approve this message.

Posted in The Good, the Bad & the Ugly | Comments Off on Vote with Your Brains This Friday

Artificial Intelligence

They rather do stupid things like this.

They rather do stupid things like this.

Have you had people who asked for recommendations for hotels, restaurants and places of interest before they travel to a particular country, but after receiving your advice, did completely the opposite of what you have recommended?

After more than three decades of traveling, including living in several countries for extended periods of time, many friends and acquaintances have learned to appreciate what I know and trust my recommendations – to their delight, by the way – but there is a small pocket of morons who will just ask for recommendations and then do something else completely. I refer to this behavior as “artificial intelligence” – they are basically born stupid but try to act smart by acquiring information from friends’ Facebook pages and what have you. These are the morons who will who miss out on “insider information” that only people like me know, people who have lived in certain countries for extended periods of time and intermingled with the locals  and who know the “real” places to eat, shop, and see.

And to think that I used to organize informal gourmet and sightseeing trips for friends and acquaintances to far flung countries!

No one is trying to tell you how to vacation. But truth is: Sometimes you don’t appreciate something till it’s gone.

Anyway, nowadays if someone were to ask me something like “Hey, I’ll be visiting Sydney (or Seoul or Dublin or London or New York for that matter) and since you’ve actually lived and worked there before, where do you think I should go eat, and what are the places I should see?” I’ll say “I have no fucking idea because while I was there I was in my room 24/7, when I wasn’t working my ass off, that is, and I survived only on cookies.”

Yup, let them play tourists all they want.

And if they post pictures on social media about what a great (translation: stupid) time they’ve had in whatever country they were traveling in, I’ll just have to bite my tongue.

Whatever floats your boat, baby. And if riding on horny elephants is your idea of seeing the world, who am I so say anything?

I’m just an old has-been whose opinions don’t mean shit to anyone any more.

Posted in Places in the Heart | Comments Off on Artificial Intelligence

The Newspaper Delivery Joke

He's the best!

He’s the best!

For years now, in addition to the local papers, I subscribe to The Wall Street Journal, International Herald Tribune (now renamed International New York Times) and Financial Times. They cost me a bomb. Being traditionalist, I like real papers in the morning with my Java though I also check for updates online throughout the day.

These papers are delivered to my residence every morning.

TODAY is a local tabloid packed with ads and is distributed free of charge but residents of only certain locales receive it. Since I wanted another view (as opposed to the staid Straits Times) I actually pay for TODAY to be delivered as well.

The people behind TODAY tells me that what I pay goes to the delivery person.

But the delivery person sure behaves as if someone has grabbed his scrotum and twisted it hard and forced him to deliver the paper to me grudgingly every morning.

Why did I say that?

Well, all the papers I receive every morning, other than TODAY, are delivered with meticulous care – the delivery persons place them at the grills of my gate. They take care delivering these papers.

On the contrary the TODAY delivery person simply carelessly dumped TODAY on the grounds outside my house, often with the pages of the papers strewn askew.

I’m glad that the problem is solved now – after relentless reminders, TODAY is now delivered the correct way – placed at the grills.

The Straits Times is another story.

Suddenly for some strange reason, for several months now, the delivery person has decided to carelessly throw The Straits Times on a shoe rack outside my house.

When the person who delivers my The Wall Street Journal, New York Times and Financial Times saw that he did the same.

Took me an email or two to get that sorted out. Easy peasy.

(I’m not being anal or difficult. It’s just that newspapers left that way tend to disappear. And with some of these foreign papers costing me up to S$5.50/- a copy, I certainly want to make sure they don’t get stolen by the retards in the neighborhood who use them for wrapping dog shit.)

But it took me an entire month to get the The Straits Times delivery situation sorted out.

On August 3rd, I made a request for the papers to be delivered as before – placed at the gate or even dropped through the grills of my gate.

The problem was finally fixed on August 28th.

But not after a couple of phone calls plus 10 emails were exchanged between me and Suneeta Devi, Ragambirri, Willy Benzon and Sidney Lock from The Straits Times. Yup, emails were never replied by the same person.

And yup, it took an entire month to fix a simple problem.

And we wonder why we are losing our competitiveness.

Christ, it’s only newspapers, man!

Not a big deal – annoying nevertheless but not a big deal – but it reminded me of an old story about two bricklayers.

When asked what they were doing, one said he’s building “just another church building” while the other announced with pride “I’m building a house of God.”

It’s all about attitudes isn’t it?

Perhaps now it’s not difficult to understand why folders for the SG50 commemorative notes have our first president’s name spelt wrongly.

To me, that’s an unpardonable sin.

Posted in Unforgiven | Comments Off on The Newspaper Delivery Joke

Keystone Cops


We assume that cops will do their job – well, in Thailand, the police rewarded themselves three million bahts for nabbing a bombing suspect. Since when do cops need extra incentives just to do what is their job anyway?

We assume that police chiefs aren’t paid much – well, Thai police chief General Somyot Poompanmoung said “One million baht (of the three million) comes from me.”

Before his appointment as police chief after last year’s coup Somyot declared his assets at US$11.5 million including income from advising companies as well as property holdings and investments.

We assume that police chiefs don’t and can’t freelance as private advisors or property investors but obviously our assumptions are erroneous.

Only in this failed state called Thailand, where the good guys have been overthrown and monkeys now run the country.

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LKY: The Dark Side

This dude should work for some telcos.

This dude should work for some telcos.

He built a nation but he was a tough task master.

Underlings would cringe in his presence. Larger than life, working with him; hard, pointed questions and scoldings were the norm.

He was a perfectionist and tolerated no mistakes. He didn’t believe in giving you face.

If you can’t come up with the right answers to his questions, he’ll call you daft. He wasted no time on fools.

Ruthless in pursuing his goals, he transformed a filthy fishing village to what Singapore is today.

Whole generations of civil servants and minions in state-owned companies emulated his management style and continue to take him as a role model.

But little Napoleons strutting about are not Napoleons. There is one and only one Lee Kuan Yew. How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.

Lee Kuan Yew wannabes seem to proliferate in some other organizations too.

I hear that one of our telcos, is one such example.

From the many friends and acquaintances of mine who work there, and from my brief professional – and personal – experience with the telco, it is a far cry from what it projects itself to be.

The company has just posted a profit in the first quarter and was even named the most well-governed and transparent company, according to the Governance and Transparency Index by CPA Australia and NUS Business School’s Center for Governance, Institutions and Organizations.

So the telco may be well-governed and all, but at what costs? The corporate landscape is often littered with a high body count of casualties inflicted by un-caring, insensitive, brutal bosses who think they can do no wrong. Yup, bruised and battled workers whose hearts have grown cold due to idiotic bosses.

One of the divisions within the group is apparently home to several VP-level leaders who are extremely uncouth, exhibiting an unprecedented level of boorishness to management but precious little in the way of genuine leadership. Nothing remotely close to the Lee Kuan Yew they try to emulate.

Some of these morons yell – yes, literally yelling and shouting at subordinates at the top of their voices – thinking that LKY would probably do the same. (And they are in the communications business, Jesus!)

These little Napoleons strut around un-restrained, believing that it is perfectly normal to be obnoxious.

It seems to be the accepted culture there. VPs will yell at directors who have no qualms yelling down the food chain. In fact, they are expected to. They seem to think that fear is a great management tool. Don’t they realize that when fear is used as a weapon, the organization they are in will be like a building infested with termites – good to look at from the outside, but will eventually crumble into bits?

Come on, real leaders don’t throw temper tantrums; true grit has nothing to do with being unpolished klutzes who holler and bark like little spoilt brats. Real leaders don’t leave behind a trail of dead bodies. Real leaders build people up, they don’t break people down. Real leaders are teachable. They are willing to learn. They are brainy enough not have to turn to the dictionary to figure out what “antediluvian” means. They don’t always think they are right. They listen to those who know.

If you don’t know how to lead, for your own sake, please avail yourself of some training.

Don’t just yell. (Yelling has never been accepted as a legitimate management technique. It is resorted to only by retards exasperated by their own inability to communicate and inspire.)

And spare your underlings all the pain they have to put up with daily.

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The Ringgit Slide is Not Necessarily Good

RinggitsSince Monday we’ve heard that for every Singapore dollar we could get something like three Malaysian Ringgits.

People are saying “Good, good” and planning their trips to Johor Bahru.

Their happiness will be short-lived.

Malaysia will soon raise prices.

And if more Singaporeans are flocking to Malaysia to spend money, the Singapore economy will be hit.

Plus there are repercussions in more ways than one. Fewer Malaysians visiting The Great Singapore Sale, for instance. More Singapore cars in JB being stolen perhaps. Singaporeans with fat wallets being robbed in JB maybe.

Prosperous neighboring countries doing well is better than Singapore being economically strong in a sea of impoverished neighbors. Remember once when Indonesia was in deep shit and Mount Elizabeth hospital had to shut down an entire wing as a consequence? There goes our medical tourism!

But people don’t think that way – they just go across the border and instead of having one-hour massages, book three-hour massages; and then stuff their faces and then go shopping.

Not sure it’s a good thing. It’s actually quite worrisome, actually.

I am no economist; I’m just a cranky loudmouth, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Posted in Eat Drink Men Women | Comments Off on The Ringgit Slide is Not Necessarily Good

Sorry, but er, I’m Not Really Sorry

WuJiezhenDuring Sunday’s National Day Rally, as Kit Chan was belting out the song Home, 26-year-old Wu Jiezhen stood up, because she was “swept up in the moment.”

I may be old-fashioned but I suspect this is symptomatic of the narcissistic and self-centered “Look at me! Look at me!” generation who thrives on being social media whores, the generation who derives their highs by accumulating as many Facebook likes as possible.

Where is the respect? The prime minister was about to deliver the speech of the year, the equivalent of a State of the Union address. The entire cabinet was there, so were special guests, VIPs and foreign dignitaries. Given the solemn nature of the occasion, was this appropriate behavior? Sure, express your patriotism and love for Singapore blah, blah, blah, but there’s a right place for the right thing. Sure, follow your heart, but please don’t leave your brains behind. Call me an antediluvian fuddy-duddy, but my dear Miss Wu, what makes you think you can do anything you like, as and when you feel like it? This place will be an absolute chaos if everyone thinks he or she can just be spontaneous and do anything that catches his or her whim or fancy when they are “swept up in the moment.” No sense of propriety here, is there? And if there’s one thing that your generation needs, it’s not grandstanding, it’s a sense of propriety.

What’s more, by standing up, you callously blocked those seated behind you. You didn’t care about that, did you?

Wu explained her behavior to The Straits Times by saying “Home is one of my favorite songs because its lyrics resonate so dearly with me. I know Majulah Singapura is the national anthem and the reminder of what our forefathers went through to build the nation, but Kit’s song really is the anthem of my generation.”

Oh, really?

Drawing parallels to how the late Lee Kuan Yew must have similarly “stood alone” at times when he struggled with building the nation, Wu insisted that young people in Singapore must not fear “being different” and must take ownership of the vision of Singapore that they want to see in the future.

Wow so she’s a wannabe Lee Kuan Yew or what? What audacity! Comparing herself sticking out like a sore thumb to Mr Lee. And since when did Lee Kuan Yew stood alone? He had everyone he needed with him – good men and women of his generation handpicked to roll up their sleeves and to work and labor hard. (They certainly toiled more than they sang, that’s for sure.)

Almost as an afterthought, Wu also said “I would like to apologize to those behind me for blocking their view when I stood up, but sometimes I feel we should not be unapologetic when we’re standing up for something that we believe strongly in.”

Call that a half-ass apology, if there’s one.


I, me, myself and to hell with everybody else, huh?

What else is new?

It’s so easy for people to rationalize away their behavior and find justification for their actions.

Doesn’t say much for a Wellesley graduate, does it?

She also reminded The Straits Times that “It is people like us who will be responsible for how the next 50 years will look like for our country.”

That thought almost makes me brown my boxers.

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