Time Waster

MehCame across this – original version said to be written by someone from the UK – and I thought it’s too hilarious not to share it:

Right now, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. So every day, I walk down the streets and tell passers-by what I ate, how I feel, what I did the day before, what I am doing, what I will do next…

I also give them pictures of my family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, mowing the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen the conversations of others, give them the “thumbs up” and tell them I like what they do them and give them my opinion on every subject that interest me…whether it interests them or not.

I also poke strangers at random and hope they poke me back.

And just like Facebook, it works!

I already have four people who are following me: two policemen, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

Posted in The Good, the Bad & the Ugly | Comments Off on Time Waster

How Will You Celebrate the Jubilee Weekend?

GoldenJubileeWeekendSG50

Friday has been declared a holiday and Singaporeans have been urged to stay in the country to celebrate the country’s 50th birthday.

But many have chosen to leave, saying they want to take advantage of the long weekend. (National Day falls on Sunday, so there’s a off-in-lieu on Monday.)

Worse, some have chosen to leave their loved ones behind while they go gallivanting with their friends in Johor Baru.

Ultra-friendly and super-safe Johor Baru.

Johor Baru, where they love our Singapore dollars but hate our guts.

Well, to each his own.

Getting stuck in traffic for hours just to take advantage of the weak Malaysian Ringgit is not my idea of fun.

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BaitTalk – Bait and Switch by BreadTalk

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

BreadTalk bought soya milk from Yeo’s, re-bottled it and sold it at higher prices as “freshly prepared.”

When found out, the company’s spokesperson issued a statement saying “We would like to apologize for any misaligned presentation or wrong impressions created, and clarify that it is never our intention to mislead.”

Hello, “misaligned presentation” and “wrong impression”?

So it’s the consumers’ fault?

Must be, because it’s never the company’s “intention to mislead.”

Some companies are just full of shit, if you ask me.

And if consumers continue to give them business, then they deserved to be ripped off.

BreadTalk really can’t afford any more scandals – the recent fiasco involving their Lee Kuan Yew buns is still fresh in the minds of the public.

Sequel: A BreadTalk staff was spotted icing a Bengawan Solo cake. Oops!

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Issue with Tissues

TissuesS$4.25 gets you a huge bag of 80 packs of pocket tissues from redmart.com.

You can probably get them at even cheaper rates elsewhere.

Itinerant tissue sellers typically sell three packs of pocket tissues for a dollar.

If you do the Math, 80 packs of pocket tissues can net over 26 bucks.

Minus the 4.25 cost, and minus the fact that many buyers don’t take all three packs – that’s a heck of a lot of profit. Peanuts, but profitable nevertheless.

Is this why there are so many tissue sellers these days?

To me, tissue selling is a disguised form of begging.

In this day and age, is there still a need to beg?

In this first world country, ranked as one of the most prosperous on the planet, richer per capita then the US or the UK, there are supposedly all kinds of schemes to assist the poor and needy.

Begging in this country is surely not a necessity but a choice.

These tissue sellers are getting extremely aggressive.

Not only are they showing up at markets, food courts as well as at bus and SMRT stations, they are bold enough to even walk into malls and right inside restaurants.

At JEM and Westgate in Jurong, they seem to proliferate – some go so far as to wave their pocket tissues right in my face while I eat. Emails to these two malls received only lame, patronizing replies saying they are sorry about the situation and will look into it; you know, the usual bullshit. The tone of these emails is basically “Fuck off, trouble maker, we have better things to do than to deal with your stupid emails.”

During a recent evening, in the span of half an hour, I was accosted by two aggressive tissue sellers at JEM, both seem to be mainland Chinese. They were able-bodied and could well be gainfully employed.

Surely malls have their own CSR programs and do not support these peddlers – their presence is a blight on our image as a civilized society. And surely JEM simply cannot afford any more negative publicity. The mall is infamous for all kinds of mishaps happening there. (The most recent case was stinking sewerage raining down on people eating at Din Tai Fung. Oh, who flunked dung?)

I have no doubt there are still unfortunate people in our society who require help, and may not know where to get it,  but when a person forgoes pride and dignity and degenerates into a beggar, albeit behind the façade of being a tissue seller, are we somehow inadequate in meeting the subsistence needs of the underprivileged?

Truth be told, I am saddened more than I am annoyed by the sight of these poor souls.

Are they genuinely in need or are they pawns of some syndicate? We have heard of fake Buddhist monks being sent from overseas to beg before, haven’t we?

It’s time we stem this tide of undesirables.

Posted in Unforgiven | Comments Off on Issue with Tissues

Insects!

Yeah times must be bad:

Insects

Posted in Eat Drink Men Women | Comments Off on Insects!

Farewell, PG

PGFarewell, PG.

You left as suddenly as you appeared.

You taught us how to live.

You showed us the meaning of life.

You didn’t care what others think; you didn’t need anyone’s approval, you were the master of your own destiny.

You were always cheerful.

And you had a big heart!

You didn’t do anything half-way; you laughed loud, you traveled all over the world, you ate well, you smoked the biggest cigars and you used man-sized pipes. And you drank only the best!

You were – and still are – our heroine and star!

We love you!

You brought us so much joy and laughter.

You were a great companion and makan kaki.

You leave a gap that can never be filled.

Rest well, dear friend.

We will miss you so much!

Posted in The Departed | Comments Off on Farewell, PG

Anything to Get Attention

CertThere are scammers who tell you that you are listed in some Who’s Who directories – which they will sell to you for an exorbitant fee. The vainglorious keen to see their names in print will happily fork out the money. They don’t seem to realize that they are contributing to the retirement funds of the scammers.

To cash in on people’s desire to be “recognized” there are also swindlers who create so-called “industry awards” – for a fat fee, you may be honored with some titles like “Industrialist of the Year” or “Most Innovative Asian Businessperson of the Decade” or what have you. The charlatans behind these awards are no better than those shady characters who will sell you fake degrees and diplomas. Awards are presented at black-tie events complete with VIPs as guests-of-honor and lavish dinners. (Some members of parliament, apparently, have been suckered into showing up as guests-of-honor at some similar type events.) Of course awardees will get a gigantic certificate – or two (duplicates available at extra charge of course, framing not included) – to hang on the wall as well as other trinkets for showing off. Their companies may also be honored as “Top Ten Brands in Asia Pacific” or some such nonsensical crap.

Unless you are utterly shameless, or have no qualms paying big bucks for such meaningless honors, bear in mind that the following are the ONLY awards backed by the Singapore government:

  • SINGAPORE QUALITY CLASS
  • SINGAPORE QUALITY AWARD
  • SINGAPORE 100
  • SINGAPORE SME 100
  • SINGAPORE INTERNATIONAL 100
  • BUSINESSMAN OF THE YEAR
  • THE ENTERPRISE AWARD
  • ENTERPRENEUR OF THE YEAR

The following – among several others – are NOT backed by government bodies:

  • SINGAPORE OUTSTANDING ENTERPRISE
  • PROMISING SME 500
  • SME OF THE YEAR
  • SINGAPORE EXCELLENCE AWARD
  • SINGAPORE TRUSTED QUALITY BRAND
  • SINGAPORE BUSINESS QUALITY AWARD
  • SINGAPORE ENTREPRENEURS’ AWARD
  • SINGAPORE PRESTIGE ENTERPRISE AWARD

There’s nothing to stop anyone from handling out awards, nevermind the fact that those jokers issuing the awards have zero credentials whatsover to grant them. I’m not taking about their credibility here, that without question is nonexistent. I’m talking about illiterates issuing citations to PhD holders, know what I mean? Well, it’s a case of willing seller, willing buyer, right? You pay, get your “awards” and those tricksters who sell you these fake accolades get rich. That’s how it works. The wheels of capitalism continues to grind.

But to be honest, this whole business is pathetic, really. Very pathetic indeed.

Most of the awards not backed by the government are simply not worth the papers they are printed on. They are as real as Pakalu Papito.

And if you believe that Pakalu Papito is real, what can I say? I can only pity you and shake my botak head.

Posted in Unforgiven | Comments Off on Anything to Get Attention

Whisky from Fukushima

FukushimaSasanokawa, maker of Cherry Whisky, is actually a significant name in the development of whisky culture in Japan. It is an old sake and shochu house, dating back to 1765, that started making whisky in 1946, and in the process, building themselves into quite a force in the postwar whisky market in northeast Japan, prominent enough to rival Nikka or Suntory in the region.

The Sasanokawa distillery is based in Koriyama City, Fukushima Prefecture, which is inland from the main tsunami-hit areas and about 40 miles from the stricken Fukushima Number 1 nuclear plant. Nevertheless, it did suffer significantly including damage to a storage tank, warehouses, a chimney, plumbing and stocks.

The XXV brand was launched in the 1980s by Yamazakura, a company belonging to Sasanokawa.

Whisky fans wanting to do their bit for quake and nuclear accident-hit Fukushima prefecture could do worse than invest in a bottle or two of this excellent whisky.

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Eating with Gloves

GlovesRecently, the wife organized a durian party and some of the ladies whipped out gloves such as those shown in the photo above to handle their durians.

Well, to each his own, but some food are best eaten sans gloves – plus, you may get the smell off your hands, but don’t you know that when you eat durians, every pore of your body – plus your breath and your farts – are going to emit the smell anyway?

Obviously I’m new to this. Nowadays I see such gloves popping up everywhere. Just saw a couple of idiots eating chicken wings with said gloves. What happened to “finger licking good”?

As for me, nothing comes between me and my food.

Keep those stupid gloves away from me!

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Fallen on Deaf Ears

Paid to do nothing?

Paid to do nothing?

Have you ever tried emailing a minister or a perm sec?

The apartment immediately below mine has been undergoing renovation for over a month and although the unbearably loud floor hacking was long over, very annoying high-decibel noises continue to emanate from the unit almost on a daily basis. Neighbors with young babies are disturbed and convalescent elderlies are not able to rest.

Then the renovation permit was renewed and extended for another month.

So it’s been two months now of sheer auditorical torture. Eardrum-bursting hell since May.

Attempts to seek clarification from the fat cats in government as to how many times the authorities will renew or extend a renovation permit have received zero reply thus far. Surely such permits cannot be renewed and extended indefinitely?

All that talk about a responsive, caring civil service is just talk only, isn’t it?

Anyone knows how to elicit a reply from a minister? All I’ve gotten are template-replies and cut-and-paste excuses from lackeys sidestepping the real issue. A renovation contractor I bumped into told me that renovation of the unit in question may last up to a year. I need to know so I can plan my next course of action. But I’m not getting answers.

Ok ok, so I’m just an ordinary tax-paying nobody. Maybe “responsive” and “caring” apply exclusively to government ministers and civil serpents themselves only. I am sure they have no problem taking care of themselves, that much I know.

Argh, never mind.

Anyway, election is coming right?

Fantastic.

I – and the people I influence – know exactly what to do.

It’s time we make some idiots justify their existence!

The phrase “gaji buta” comes to mind as I write this.

Posted in Unforgiven | Comments Off on Fallen on Deaf Ears