Loudmouths at Restaurants

Time: 5:30pm one recent afternoon

Place: The Canteen, by Les Amis

I was there with a friend because we both wanted a quick bite.

Mid-way through ordering we asked to be seated at another table.

The retard two tables away was talking way too loudly – enough for the little eatery to be filled with his voice.

Enough to irritate me.

When a waitress dropped by to ask him how his special of the day was, that triggered off waves of verbal diarrhea that nothing could stanch.

Suddenly every retard in town wants to be Anthony Bourdain.

Why do people have to talk as if they whole world’s interested in their shit?

When I eat, I want to eat in peace and not have to shout to have a conversation with my companion.

And restaurateurs please don’t give me that crap about how your restaurant has deliberately been designed to be intimate so that I can catch snippets of other people’s conversations.

Some people are just too smart for their own good.

I don’t care two hoots about other people’s conversations ok?

Let me give you the CliffsNotes version:

I may have been born at night but I wasn’t born last night.

If your restaurant is so small that others have no choice but to encroach into my personal space, and I feel like I am eating in a food court rather than a restaurant, then don’t try to cover up by telling me some cock and bull story about intimacy.

If I want to rub shoulders – or elbows in this case – with other diners, I can easily saunter into the neighborhood food court or kopi tiam.

Why do I need to eat at your restaurant?

At the food court or kopi tiam I can even scratch my balls as I eat and no one would care.

An0ther thing that gets my goat is couples who sit on the same side of the table.

Hey retards, don’t you know you’re supposed to sit ACROSS each other?

And if you want to have sex, go get a room at some hotel, will ya?

Stop making out in public!

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