Bowls of Consternation

I'm afraid to sit on this.

I'm afraid to sit on this.

Having had a traveling job for nearly 30 years and sometimes staying in more than two different hotels a week I have become somewhat of an expert on toilet bowls.

Some toilet bowls (like the one above) protrude from the wall – they are stuck to the wall,  not cemented to the floor and they look so delicate I’m always afraid that if I sit on them, they will collapse. Thank God that didn’t happen yet.

Some are hard to flush – you press the flush button and then you are treated to the unpleasant sight of your deposit swirling round and round before it finally disappears.

Some flushing systems are turbo-charged – one press of the button and VROOM! – everything’s gone before you can even blink! Like those in aircraft toilets.

Some toilet bowls seem rather shallow, when you wipe your ass you will inevitably touch your deposit. Eeeks!

Some toilet bowls are faulty – you flush and whatever deposits made by the guest before you comes back to haunt you. That’s the worse thing that can happen especially when you’ve just checked in and needed to take a leak.

The Japanese make the best toilet bowls – high tech, complete with a thousand and one buttons for various functions – warm water, cold water, jet sprays, warm air to dry your ass, etc.

This reminds me of an old joke:

A guy went to Japan and used one of those fancy high tech toilet bowls.

After doing his business, he looked at the row of buttons and was wondering what to press.

He tried CW and cold water splashed on his ass.

Next he tried WA and he experienced jets of comforting warm air.

When he saw TR he became curious.

“Now, what could TR stand for?” he wondered.

“There’s only one way to find out”, he said to himself, so he pressed the button.

The pain that followed instantaneously was so great that he passed out.

He woke up in the hospital and saw a nurse peering at him

“What happened?” he asked.

“Oh, you pressed the Tampon Remover,” said the nurse.

Then she added: “We’ve tucked your severed penis under your pillow.”

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