Email Signatures


Whenever I get an email from a secretary in one of my offices in Australia, my hair would stand.

She has an email adage or signature that goes:

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.”

At another time I used to receive a number of emails in which there’s a quote at the end saying, “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.”

The need for someone to share that flummoxes me. I feel blackmailed. If I disagree with the content of the email will I be accused of calling the sender a fool and in the process would I make myself a fool too?

It’s audacious for the writer to shaft that down my esophagus.

Also, many of these “soap-box exclamations” affixed to the bottom of emails are a little too preachy for my liking. Example: “Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life” or “They fail, and they alone, who have not striven.” What me fail because I’ve “not striven”? You got to be kidding, what do you think I’m doing every day? Doing nothing but scratching my testicles while smoking Cohibas?

I can’t figure out why people often include adages, axioms and morals in their email signatures. Is it to communicate an opinion or add a Hallmark-card personal sentiment?

I wonder.

Email signatures can be either sappy or at best clever. I’m not sure everyone needs to know someone’s philosophy.

Some of those shit that comes with emails are downright stupid, example: “Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air.”

What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Net net: I can’t identify any upside to some personality-defining quote at the end of an email. If I know someone, then I don’t need a quote to tell me about that person. And if I don’t know the person, I’m not sure a quote is a great way to define him or herself.

And I completely abhor it when people try to be preachy with cute, so-called moralistic, unforgettable quotes.

I can’t wait to forget them – both the quotes and the quoters.

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