Wah nowsaday, they got terrorists, er sorlee, I mean, activists, to korrect our poor Engrish one ah.
They light the korrect Engrish on those sticky yerrow papers to stick on our poor Engrish signs to sew us the leaveferlence between good Engrish and bad Engrish.
This kelinga minister, that boyboy-looking one with the girl’s name lah, that Vivien Bala-something-like-that-lah, he opened the Speak Good Engrish campaign the udder day by sticking a yerrow sticker on the “No Outside Food” sign at some food court at Harberflont.
He says ah the korrect Engrish should be “No food from elsewhere, please.”
I don’t think so this is korrect lah. Donch bluff me. I got go to school one. “No food from elsewhere, please” is korrect Engrish meh? I don’t think so yes lah. So I asked one neighbor – he Engrish professor leh – and my neighbor the Engrish professor at the Uneverstudy of Sinkapor he says korrect bersion is “Only food purchased from these premises may be consumed here.” I says “Wah lao eh, like that even more chia lart man, who can understand this kind of so cheem Engrish one? People donch even understand meaning of ‘elsewhere’ and sekally now you change until so long one. Where got time to read? People sure no hill one lah. They think just another garment bullshit.”
Then this Goh-donch-know-what-Kheng guy, you know, that Speak Good Engrish in charge one lah, donch know where he come from one, last time nehber hear his bladdy name one, he said everbody must be activists, must go alound sticking those yerrow stickers, even on toilet doors. (Wah big word man – “activists” ah, donch pray pray man. )
Wah lao, you think people so free meh? You siow or what?
If leery want to stick better spend our time sticking those yerrow stickers on those pang sai damn stink one. You see, when you go toilet and some goondu pang sai damn stink, you stick one sticker on the door and tell him “Hey kayu, next time if your pang sai so smelly, you better pang sai in your own home lah!” Like that more meaning mah. Instead of go lound korrecting people’s Engrish, use yerrow stickers like world cup referees lah, use them to korrect people’s behavior better what. Like that sure got leesults one.
Ok lah nehmind, I tok cock sing song too much oredi. Kana sai. Now I going to the other neighbor’s house and put yerrow sticker on his door to tell him his whole family better take baths, else when they walk pass or when we same lift as them, they very stink one. Same smell as their dog. Well, almost lah, same same but leaveferlence. But all smelly lah.
Yerrow sticker good ah, Speak Good Engrish campaign bad lah. Now I going put sticker everwhere oredi. Now I going be activist. I donch know what it means lah, but now I is one. In this cock up country, good to be something lah. If not, people see you no up one.