One for the Road

Signs of the times.

It was Christmas Eve at a taxi stand along Orchard Road.

The line was very long and we were all getting increasingly exasperated.

We all wanted to be home in time for dinner with our loved ones.

Some of us were carrying heavy bags of shopping.

But it was shift-changing time for taxis and many just whizzed by without picking anyone of us up when the drivers asked and found out that our destinations weren’t convenient for them or not “on the way.”

Standing in line and right before me was a morbidly obese white woman speaking with an American accent; she had two children with her and she was spanking one of them on and off while spewing vulgarities.

That’s one thing I cannot take – child abuse.

Alcohol abuse, I can handle, not child abuse.

The wait continued…

The spanking continued…

The kid’s cries continued to grate on our nerves.

People were becoming restless and agitated.

You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

The humidity didn’t help.

At long last, that obnoxious white woman was now second in line.

Immediately in front of her – meaning the person first in line – was a meek looking elderly Indian lady.

The next cab that come would be hers.

But it came with a sign flashing “Changing shift, Kallang.”

Nope, not where the Indian lady was headed.

But being kind and considerate, she turned around and said to the fat ugly white bitch “This one’s changing shift at Kallang, are you heading that way? Do you want this taxi?”

The douche bag glared at her and shouted “I can read too, old woman” and spank one of her kids one more time before yelling at them both.

(I would have referred to her as a “cunt” instead of “douche bag”but I won’t because she has no depth and lacks warmth.)

I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Time to shitcan this.

I gently touched her shoulder to get her attention.

She turned around and stared daggers at me.

“Your kids – they’re cute, are they twins, ma’am?” I asked.

She seemed flabbergasted.

Probably nobody has said anything nice to her in a long time…

She stopped yelling at her kids long enough to bellow at me, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or stupid?”

So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, ma’am, I just couldn’t believe someone actually had sexual intercourse with you twice. Have a good day and enjoy your stay in Singapore.”

Then I ran for my life.

Hope you like my story!

Happy New Year, everyone!

By the way, my wife has always said that I’m not cut out for public relations work.

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