Conversations with Mum

Following yesterdays’ post, my daughter provided a list of my wife’s conversational faux pas:

Shit My Mum Says

When meeting my daughter’s pet puppy for the first time, my wife Yin, said:

“Oh, it’s a he? You should make friends with people who own bitches!”

When shopping for Christmas Gifts at Comics Connection:

“I don’t understand anything they sell here!!!”

When trying to locate the Best Denki outlet at a mall:

“This is the lousy Best! The better Best is somewhere else, but that’s not the best Best still.”

When looking at a giant calculator on sale at Action City:

Yin: “What is this?!”

My daughter: “What does it look like?”

Yin: “What does it do?!”

Daughter: *facepalm*

Yin: “Why is it so big?!”

When listening to Daughtry on the radio:

“I really like this Adultery band.”

When addressing our apathy:

“You guys don’t care a shit!”

When seeking appreciation:

Yin: “Aw, this is why you must go shopping with me more often, I’m your entertainment!”

My sons: “Yeah you are…”

Yin: “I miss being dumb!”

Daughter: “You won’t miss it for much longer…”

When recalling musical favorites:

“Hey I like that song called ‘Tell My Mother, Tell My Father’.” (Referring to Shinedown’s Second Chance.)

When resisting paranormal pursuits:

Son #2: “Mum, you should buy an Ouija board.”

Yin: “No! I don’t want to get stuck in some jungle!”

Daughter: “That’s JUMANJI lah!!!”

When admiring Johnny Depp on a Public Enemies movie poster:

“Look, that’s Deppy John!”

When making vacation recommendations:

“You guys should consider a cat-staytion!” (She meant “staycation.”)

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