Following yesterdays’ post, my daughter provided a list of my wife’s conversational faux pas:
Shit My Mum Says
When meeting my daughter’s pet puppy for the first time, my wife Yin, said:
“Oh, it’s a he? You should make friends with people who own bitches!”
When shopping for Christmas Gifts at Comics Connection:
“I don’t understand anything they sell here!!!”
When trying to locate the Best Denki outlet at a mall:
“This is the lousy Best! The better Best is somewhere else, but that’s not the best Best still.”
When looking at a giant calculator on sale at Action City:
Yin: “What is this?!”
My daughter: “What does it look like?”
Yin: “What does it do?!”
Daughter: *facepalm*
Yin: “Why is it so big?!”
When listening to Daughtry on the radio:
“I really like this Adultery band.”
When addressing our apathy:
“You guys don’t care a shit!”
When seeking appreciation:
Yin: “Aw, this is why you must go shopping with me more often, I’m your entertainment!”
My sons: “Yeah you are…”
Yin: “I miss being dumb!”
Daughter: “You won’t miss it for much longer…”
When recalling musical favorites:
“Hey I like that song called ‘Tell My Mother, Tell My Father’.” (Referring to Shinedown’s Second Chance.)
When resisting paranormal pursuits:
Son #2: “Mum, you should buy an Ouija board.”
Yin: “No! I don’t want to get stuck in some jungle!”
Daughter: “That’s JUMANJI lah!!!”
When admiring Johnny Depp on a Public Enemies movie poster:
“Look, that’s Deppy John!”
When making vacation recommendations:
“You guys should consider a cat-staytion!” (She meant “staycation.”)