Sixty Shades of Shite

So once again people in power have taken it upon themselves to think that they are the ones who know better, who can decide what I should or should not read.

Fifty Shades of Grey has been banned in our libraries. The ban was made known to Singaporeans in May. I completely missed the news, hence this rather dated response.

This despite books by authors like Sidney Sheldon, James Joyce, DH Lawrence, Henry Miller, Arundhati Roy, Suzanne Collins, Anne Rice, Jackie Collins, Bret Easton Ellis, Harold Robbins and Stephenie Meyer in our library. Meyer wrote Breaking Dawn, which features a childbirth scene that is positively horrifying.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not defending Fifty Shades. Honestly I think it is nothing more than harmless housewife porn.

I’m not arguing about the book’s literary merit – which in this case, has none by the way – but I’m concerned that there are people among us who actually think they can decide what the public should and should not read.

Not too long ago, there was a one-testicle shorty with an ugly mustache who believed in eugenics and tried to breed a pure Aryan race by murdering at least six million Jews – he exhibited the same shitty attitude: I know better than others, I decide for you.

It’s a pity Fifty Shades is banned, because in the light of the popularity of such works, I was just thinking of suggesting to publishers to rename some old classics.

I’m sure these new titles of old books will bolster sales:

Pain Eyre

Anna Caningarear

Lady Chatterley’s Torturer

Crime and Lots and Lots of Punishment

Swish Family Robinson

A Midsummer’s Wet Dream


Stripes and Prejudice

King Leer

Great Sexpectations

Ouch of Africa

Put Out More Flagellants

The Merchant of Pain

Mrs Beaten’s Book of Household Management

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