This coffee shop in Tampines was bought for a record $41.68 million, and the owner needs taxpayer money to clean the toilet?
Singapore’s coffee shop scene – where coffee is just part of an elaborate moneymaking scheme – is truly astonishing. Who needs caffeine when there are these visionary real estate overlords who’ve transformed humble shop houses into their personal ATM machines? These landlords don’t just rent out stalls; they also impose charges for dishwashing, electricity and water. And that is just for starters; why stop there when these “benevolent” landlords demand even a share of hawkers’ earnings! All for what? One such coffee shop recently traded hands for over 40 million bucks (but we won’t dwell on that) – proving how civilized our society really is by taking every last penny out of small business owners.
Now for the jewel of these establishments: their toilets. If you have ever had the misfortune to step into one, congratulations: you have unlocked an unforgettable memory of regret. A painstaking study conducted multiple times (because apparently, repeated confirmation is required) revealed that coffee shop toilets are among the dirtiest on Earth; scoring an incomprehensible 46.26 out of 100! In fact the same study (by SMU) found that coffee shop toilets have been consistently dirty for eight years! Mall and MRT restrooms look positively luxurious by comparison!
But never fear: our brilliant government has an excellent solution: throw 10 million taxpayer dollars at it! Yes, because if history has taught us anything it’s that nothing works better to solve privately owned businesses’ hygiene issues than public money – and what better timing than right in the midst of an election year – so no doubt these events were pure coincidence!
So let me get this straight – my hard-earned money is being used to clean up after coffee shop owners who already make an excellent living? Why am I paying to have toilets so pristine I could eat fried rice from the floor? Perhaps millionaire landlords charging exorbitant rent for stall rentals could handle their own mess instead? As part of being an innovative city, why don’t we institute heavy fines if they fail to meet hygiene standards?
Where is our fearless media in all this? Well, they can be found covering news like how a 51-year-old newsreader became pregnant or debating how often to wash bath towels; truly groundbreaking journalism at its finest!
But if you enjoy being fed bureaucratic nonsense and seeing your money disappear into yet another black hole of bureaucratic genius, by all means remain silent. Otherwise it might be time to speak out, remind those in charge that we aren’t quite so dumb after all.