Today, someone’s turning 69.
Turning 69 is a unique milestone — it’s the doorstep to a new decade and a vantage point overlooking nearly seven decades of change.
1. The “Lessons from the Decades” Question
“Looking back at your 20s, 40s, and 60s, what is one thing you used to value deeply that you’ve now realized doesn’t matter, and what has taken its place?”
Answer
Appearances – the Rolexes, the Pateks, the bow ties, the suspenders, Loro Piana suits, John Lobb wingtips, designer everything. Now? I will be embarrassed to be seen in any of that. Now I want to blend in, disappear into the background, keep a low profile because nobody cares anyway.
What I value now is good health. You can have all the money in the world but if you are in debilitating pain 24X7, like the back pain I’m suffering from pinched nerve due to stenosis of my spinal canal, what’s the use of all that money?
“At age 18, people care very much about what others think of them. By age 40, they learn not to worry what others think. By age 60, they figure out that no one was thinking about them in the first place.” – Daniel Amen
2. The “Legacy of Character” Question
“If you could distill everything you’ve learned about being a ‘good man’ into three core principles for the next generation, what would they be?”
Answer
I don’t claim to be a “good man” – I’ll be happy to be known as someone who did the right things and did the right things right.
Anyway, since you asked, here are the three core principles you asked for:
(1) Your work must be beyond repute. Let the quality of your work propel you forward, and get you the rewards you deserve, not through deceit or underhanded means. Always ask “Have I done my best?” “Is is the best I can do?” “Have I missed anything?” “What benefits can I reap for me and my organization if I go the extra mile?”
(2) Speak up and talk back if you have to but be smart about it. There are times when it’s best to bite your tongue. Don’t burn bridges.
(3) Spend time with your kids. Some people say relationships with your offspring can always be built even when they are adults. There may be a smidgen of truth in that but the performances you missed at their first concert, their first public recital, your son’s first home run or his first soccer goal – if you missed those, they are gone forever.
3. The “Resilience” Question
“What was the most ‘productive’ failure or setback you ever experienced, and how did it ultimately shape the life you have today?”
Answer
At one time, I was making at least a million a year all in, but greed caused me to dabble in various businesses on the side. I was also ripped off by someone whom I thought would never steal from me. Basically, I was too trusting and as a consequence of my naivete, I lost lots of money. Today those who betrayed and defrauded me live in GCBs (Good Class Bungalows – only about 2,500 in Singapore) on private land, fly in private jets and are chauffeured in Rolls-Royces, but not me. I live in public housing; yeah it’s an extraordinary two-level executive maisonette (no more than an estimated 20,000 such houses in Singapore) but it’s still HDB and I fly budget air! Finally realizing that bitterness and chronic high cortisol will kill me through a coronary or a aneurysm, I have moved on and now I sleep soundly at night. Most nights. That is, if I sleep at all.
4. The “Present Joy” Question
“At 69, what is a simple, everyday moment that brings you more peace or happiness now than it would have thirty years ago?”
Answer
A few genuine friends all over the world, soulmates like Ian and Phil, lots of great books to read, a comfortable club to retreat to every afternoon to indulge in something exquisite from JF Germain & Son or from El Laguito, a simple dinner at home every evening, and watching some crap from one of those streaming platforms after that.
I find great joy in my weekly Sunday lunches with my 94-year-old father. (He will be 95 in June.) These moments are complemented by our larger family traditions, where the entire clan gathers for birthdays, Christmas, Chinese New Year, and various spontaneous celebrations.
30 years ago, I would be busy giving myself ulcers, chasing tchotchkes, accolades, material acquisitions and trinkets in my quest for eminence, fame and power while stuffing my face with Kobe beef, Hanwoo wagyu and Strottarga Bianco caviar.
5. The “Future Vision” Question
“As you approach 70 next year, what is one thing you are still curious about or eager to learn? What are you most looking forward to ‘becoming’ next?”
Answer
I long to explore the nature of evil and the ways in which society transforms the perverse into the conventional. I want to know how my life can serve as a catalyst for change, helping to reduce the behaviors and attitudes that normalize what is wrong.
I will continue to learn to manage my anger and to be patient with the morons I encounter. These brainless cretins seem to proliferate!
And I look forward to visiting countries I’ve never been to before; I also dream of becoming pain free.